lobster
Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a fookin' Cohen brothers movie. This happened to me on Wednesday...
So, there I am walking down my local high street - busy road to my right, a park on my left. Anyway, this squirrel comes trotting out of the park and I think to myself, "you want to be careful fella" on account of the road. He spots me, freaks out and instead of going back in the park, runs straight into the road. He dodges a car but his luck runs out with a van coming the other way. He's hit and thrown to the far side of the road where he proceeds to thrash about in a pool of his own blood and offal. Needless to say the van drives on regardless.
Now I'm feeling kind of responsible for this, as it was the sight of me sent the squizzer dashing into the road, so I watch for a little while hoping he'll snuff it, but no such luck, he continues to thrash...I decide, I'll have to deal with it.
Now, like I said the road was busy, so I have to cross at a pedestrian crossing, which halts the traffic. I dash across the road, grab hold of the squirrel's back legs and swing him down hard on the pavement breaking his neck. Now, the problem with this was that the crossing had stopped the traffic and as the drivers hadn’t seen the squizzer get hit by the van, they assumed they were watching some random basketcase braining a squirrel on the pavement. Some of them were not best pleased and started hooting their horns. Certainly some kids coming out of the park weren’t impressed, one of them starts howling on the far side of the road.
So, now I’m standing there with this squirrel and I’m feeling embarrassed. I think the squirrel would have been blushing too, if he hadn’t been dead. Anyway, I decide I can’t just leave him on the pavement and I adopt this strange lurching, kinda Frankenstein walk, as I turn first one way, then the other looking for a bin to drop him off in. Needless to say the nearest bin is on the other side of the road, so I have to cross the road in front of these animal loving motorists and head straight for the horrified kids, still brandishing the blood soaked squizzer. They scream and flee back into the park.
Eventually I drop my rodent pal off in a bin and the incident sort of dies away, although, as I walk away, I’m half expecting to be arrested and dragged off to the local nut hatch. Does this sort of shit happen to anyone else or is it just me?
So, there I am walking down my local high street - busy road to my right, a park on my left. Anyway, this squirrel comes trotting out of the park and I think to myself, "you want to be careful fella" on account of the road. He spots me, freaks out and instead of going back in the park, runs straight into the road. He dodges a car but his luck runs out with a van coming the other way. He's hit and thrown to the far side of the road where he proceeds to thrash about in a pool of his own blood and offal. Needless to say the van drives on regardless.
Now I'm feeling kind of responsible for this, as it was the sight of me sent the squizzer dashing into the road, so I watch for a little while hoping he'll snuff it, but no such luck, he continues to thrash...I decide, I'll have to deal with it.
Now, like I said the road was busy, so I have to cross at a pedestrian crossing, which halts the traffic. I dash across the road, grab hold of the squirrel's back legs and swing him down hard on the pavement breaking his neck. Now, the problem with this was that the crossing had stopped the traffic and as the drivers hadn’t seen the squizzer get hit by the van, they assumed they were watching some random basketcase braining a squirrel on the pavement. Some of them were not best pleased and started hooting their horns. Certainly some kids coming out of the park weren’t impressed, one of them starts howling on the far side of the road.
So, now I’m standing there with this squirrel and I’m feeling embarrassed. I think the squirrel would have been blushing too, if he hadn’t been dead. Anyway, I decide I can’t just leave him on the pavement and I adopt this strange lurching, kinda Frankenstein walk, as I turn first one way, then the other looking for a bin to drop him off in. Needless to say the nearest bin is on the other side of the road, so I have to cross the road in front of these animal loving motorists and head straight for the horrified kids, still brandishing the blood soaked squizzer. They scream and flee back into the park.
Eventually I drop my rodent pal off in a bin and the incident sort of dies away, although, as I walk away, I’m half expecting to be arrested and dragged off to the local nut hatch. Does this sort of shit happen to anyone else or is it just me?