What Would You Do?

Well this is a bit of a non biking question but I thought I would throw it out there to see if the collective human experience of the forum comes up with anything that my tiny brain hasn’t already considered. Your chance, as if you ever wanted one to play therapist...

So I’m a 40 something bloke who split up with my ex a couple of years ago. She had a small boy when we got together who I step fathered for 6 years and we had another who is now three. A few months ago she shacked up with a new bloke and they are now the family unit, I still have my boy every other weekend but now hardly see the older one and I have the feeling it’s only a matter of time before access to my son starts to become awkward. Whatever the law says as a bloke you are fooked before you start with this stuff in the UK. Having another bloke seeing more of my family than I do has unexpectedly twisted my melon!

To make matters worse I have had to move back into the old family home to renovate it before it gets sold (hopefully) in the spring. This means I’m quite literally living in my past and it doesn’t help that they lived here for six weeks playing love shack with my kids as accessories for a month or so before I took possession.

I’m droning on, just wanted to set some context. Something similar might have happened to somebody else on here or somebody they know.

Losing your family is a bitch and I have never been this fed up. So my question is a simple one, if you were stupid or unlucky enough to be me what would you do to stop being such a miserable bastard and cheer up a bit? All answers, no matter how impracticable or unlikely will be welcome.

This should be interesting.......

I would ,,,,,buy a bunch of new motorcycle's and ride when I want,,,,,,sleep when I want,,,eat what I want,,,,,and do whatever I want,,,,,it's life,,,,and it could be worse,,,hang in there,,:!:

Sequence of events:
16 years ago next week.
Woke up one Saturday morning, had a smoke with the wife in the car port. She says that she's really unhappy and wants a divorce - first I'd heard of it!
I pick up #1 son and go off for the weekend.
Next weekend walk into my local Kawasaki dealership and buy a new ZX7-R
Get a bank loan and buy a Saab Turbo (yes i know but its what I wanted at the time)
Best decision ever.

I actually spent more time with my son than when I was married because I had set times that were dedicated father/son time.
I know that some people have horrible divorces but for me it wasn't a matter of scoring points it was about us getting what we wanted out of the separation. don't forget that whilst the law is on the side of the mother you will be paying maintenance - if you don't co-operate it will cost her thousands so there is give and take here. They will want to go out so you can be the baby sitter of choice for a while until everyone gets used to the idea that you are seeing your son on a regular basis and it becomes an established part of life.

All the best.

Rant

Suck it up Princess! Really, your still alive and in good health. You can still see your son. You still have both arms and legs, so you can ride your bike!

When your feeling down about things, spend some time with your bike. There's nothing better than going for a ride when your down. Call it a petrol pick me up!

Finish the renovation as soon as you can, so you can move on from it. Or you can just burn it down, now that would be cathartic!

If your really worried about having access to your kid, then go to a lawyer and get an agreement in place so you will legally have access at set times. Cherish the times you spend with your child, like every time may be the last. Be the best example to him you can be.

Life isn't always good or fair for that matter, we all have shit to deal with. It's a complete waste of time focusing on what's happened in the past. It's called the past for a reason,mainly because it's over!

Don't feel sorry for yourself, get out and make changes if you are that unhappy.

Ok Rant over!

I really wish you all the best of luck!

What I wouldn't do is put your bike before you son,EVER! You can always get another bike at any time in the future and no one will ever die from not having a bike for a while.
I split up 16 years ago ( my fault ) and there is so much I would change on reflection. I had 3 sons and one never made up with me. Don't let that happen.. They are now all grown up and still it troubles them..they needed their Dad ( their words not mine ). Still do.
If you want to talk and want to call pm me.

Bro I feel your pain.
It happens to so many both sexes.Like others have said You have your health.
Your son will always be your son.You must find your rights and make sure you see him as much as possible.

Let him know that these things happen and it is not his fault in any way.Kids always think it's their fault so you have to set them straight.
Love him never talk bad about his mom.just make sure the time you spend is good times do things.If you do this they will grow up knowing who is their real father.

You have to know all of this will pass.It's bad now but it does get better.Don't live in the past you can't change it.
You can make the present and the future better.
I was married for 30 years she is an ex now. I met a great girl been together almost 8 years been married almost 2 years.

The most important thing is you can do is be a good father now to both your sons your step son as well.
Talk to him find out his feelings.With your son do what you have to do get the right to see him.

Shit happens brother sometimes your world seems that it can't get worse.stay the coarse don't give up. you will have some good days and some real bad ones.It's how you handle the bad ones will make the differance.

Don't give on the things that make you happy.If it's riding then get out there.
I feel for ya but this won't last forever one day it will be just a blip on the radar of your life
hang in there brother many of us had been there.Your not alone.

Do you have access to firearms?

Hindsight is 20/20.
For person that posts some elevated thoughts, you sure got your tit in a wringer this time.
You bedadded the little runt, made real daddihood with the next. This is not a place where do-overs are possible.
Men are dads, your a dad, man up for eighteen and show the world how much love you have in you.
Good luck, its easier than you think.

Find an Italian woman to torture you. Then you won't feel so bad.

Dude, without sounding cliche, you will look at this later and say: lucky this happened then!
I too had a divorce with all the bad things including unjustified protection orders, accused of violence and the whole lot.

It sounds like she is just a serial change husband drip, good luck to the next one!
Find one you like and that likes SD's life much better now.
Good opportunity to get a younger and hotter one too!
All the best.

Im 22, and a product of divorce, stepmoms and dads, and then more divorcing. so with that said...

Hopefully the kid you step fathered, has his own dad that is watching out for him, if not, then yeah maybe you should check in on him every now and then.

Your kid is your kid and nothing can or will ever change that, so see to it that you take him on trips and get to know him and his daily life before he is too messed up for you to help(speak from experience)...

As for what to do with your self, I say, finish the renovation, gtfo of the house, and just live your life the best way you can that makes you happy. Hopefully in one of your ventures you will find a lady that likes the same shit you like, and yall can get together or what not. But other than that, let the past go and live a happy life. Everything happens for a reason and like others have said, you may very well be better off with the situation as is. Just be there for your kids, and make yourself happy. The rest will fall in to place.

easy answer... but a restaurant and fil it full of hot waitresses to flirt with, built my own bar to drink on, you get to work 7 days so you dont have to deal with any personal shit and have a superduke to scare you straight for 3 days.

Some good stuff in here guys, thanks.

Maddog – that’s good advice. Within the constraints of living in a building site, running a business, working evenings and weekends on the house and being a miserable bastard I am doing some of that stuff as well. Strangely none of the things that used to amuse me or make me smile work at the moment but I persist in the hope that they might one day start to again.

Tripoddave – Thanks for that. Nice to know it all came out right for you. Lots of people have told me similar stories but I have the feeling that everybody has a different experience with this crap and I’m afraid I feel in my bones that my story will end in a crash not a happy ending.

Blackduke 77 – Good rant I was expecting a few “man the fook up” type posts and you got in first. It’s probably good advice but I’m just not good with insoluble problems. My mind won’t lay off till it comes up with a solution and in this insoluble situation none of the levers are in my hands. Still reading it made me grin a bit so thanks anyway.

Cerec – I appreciate the offer I really do and I’m sorry that you have had your measure of this crap as well. I hope the boy eventually reconciles with you and again I appreciate the offer.

Duke Of Wrath – 30 years, wow! Sounds like you had a happy ending even after all that so hats off to you and thanks for a very hopeful post.

Ducati Pete – Well that wins the funniest answer competition. In point of fact I do but, other than myself, shooting any of the other involved parties would make things worse not better so kinetic weapons probably don’t hold the answer. Incidentally a long time ago an old girlfriend shot me from behind with a 12 gauge through my right ear from about 6 inches, so I’m probably the only person you know who had been shot in the head and survived! Thinking about it that might explain a lot

Dribble – You remind me of Boris Johnson. You are either a genius of a blithering idiot, I’m unable to discern which but I’m going to keep trying till I figure it out!

Count zero – You ran DC close for the funniest post award

KTM Guy – If I believed that would be the outcome I’m sure I would be less insane! Time will tell but thanks man.

Dukester – I wasn’t expecting that, from the sons point of view I mean. Sounds like you had a rough ride but good advice and a perspective much appreciated.

Agro – Not that in fact. Whatever her other faults she and I were well over before the new guy popped up on the radar and he is about my age (just with two porches, a big house in the country and a photographic studio) I have no idea what she sees in him

Indi84 – Sounds like a plan. If I ever get back down your way I will come in and check out the waitresses whilst shooting some SD bullshit with you over a cold one (beer not waitress)

So a great big collective thanks to you all. I think I know what I’m going to do but right now I’m covered in plaster dust so a bath is in order......

Some nice stuff comes about from keeping in touch with your children. Neil,my eldest rode to Mugello with me on his Fazer 600 in 07, we did Brno the following year and last year we did FE track day at Donington.
In 08 I went for a ride with Daniel, him on an SP1 and me on an RC8. I was nicked at 93mph and he was clocked at 82 mph. We were in a 40 limit! I got six week ban and he got 6 points! Not a good experience but proper bonding. Stick with it mate.
Daniel came to dinner tonight with my 2 grandchildren. Fantastic.

I would Google 'Biggirlsblouse.com' and post your problems on there, WTF has happened to this place in my absence?

Quite - welcome back.